And then there were four.

It's the Final Four we've predicted since, well, the beginning, and for the "Top Chef: Las Vegas" semi-finals, our heroes (generally sour but talented and sneaky-cute Jen, Ginger Bear favorite Kevin, stone-faced and tactical Bryan, and increasingly detestable but culinary visionary-like Michael) traveled to Napa Valley to cross knives and see whose cream rises to the "Top" and advance to the finale.

[Side note: Why did the producers take the finalists away from Las Vegas? What, Sin City is good enough for 15 or so weeks but come the final two episodes they feel the need to take the competitors away from The Strip's slot machine white noize and touristy uncleanliness? Obviously, "Top Chef" does this every year but why not let the season reach its pinnacle in the ZIP code it began?]

Kevin, Jen and the Voltaggios made idle chit chat at a train depot until a suddenly very pregnant Padma arrived to debrief. P-Money was escorted by Michael Chiarello, the "Top Chef Masters" winner who is kind of a big deal in Napa.

For the Quickfire Challenge, the chefs had to cook with native grapes and serve dinner to Padma and Michael on a moving dining car. At stake: a hybrid car. Jen really wants this prize because apparently she drives a 2000 Chevy Cavalier. Last week, Kevin said that his $30K prize was nearly equal to a year's salary. So, basically, chefs make public school teacher money? I guess we can abandon our Plan B career choice because we already make shit money as a blogger.

Cooking on the train proved extremely challenging. There was no space and the kitchen was pretty tight, and not in the urban definition of tight. We were really hoping Michael would trip on his overconfidence but he delivered a stuffed grape leaf with a native wine sauce and pretty much rocked the crap out of it, winning the Prius. So he's now a eco-friendly douche bag. Whateves.

Moving on to the Elimination Challenge, the chefs were given the charge of catering a grape crush benefit that celebrates the best tastes of the region. Each finalist was responsible for two dishes to feed 150 guests (one vegetarian dish, and one featuring a local protein) using only foods found at a Napa farmer's market.

We've never seen four contestants so cool-headed at this stage of the game. Even tightly wound Jen isn't all that frazzled. The chefs are helping each other, they're thinking clearly, and it's pretty much the second-to-last episode everyone wanted to see, which means it's pretty devoid of any real drama and borderline boring. Of course the show was edited in a way to once again play up the Voltaggio sibling rivalry (and Michael's alpha male-ness) but we're totally numb to it having been beaten over the head for a couple of months.

For their Elimination dishes, Bryan made goat cheese ravioli and mushrooms with fig-glazed short ribs and squash. The judges were seemingly un-enamored. Michael, who really stepped up the product in his hair for the Final Four, made vegetable pistou with 63-degree eggs and a turnip soup with foie gras terrine poached pear and glazed turnip (the turnip and pear were inversed asthetically). Showoff. Predictably, the judges were wowed. Kevin served up a roasted beet and carrot salad and a grass-fed brisket with pumpkin polenta (street cred for using pumpkin so close to Thanksgiving). The judges loved the salad and polenta but the beef didn't shine so bright (despite Kevin's use of "toothsome" as a substitute adjective for "tough"). Jen did a chevre mousse with honey mushrooms and braised radishes and then an aggressive duck dish with confit of duck breast, squash puree and foie gras. Sounds great, but looks like a kill scene in a Saw movie. Three words you don't ever want to hear on "Top Chef": Too Much Salt. We think Jen is going home but considering how much she was struggling two weeks ago it's pretty amazing that she made it this far.

Before judges' table we had the order as 1) Michael 2) Kevin 3) Bryan 4) Jen. As much as we've grown to loathe Michael he really did show the most creativity. "Top Chef," after all, is not a congeniality contest.

[Side note #2] Gail's boobs look amazing.

The judges were much tougher on Michael than we expected, really hammering him on his poached eggs, but their criticism stunk of red herring (which is not a native protein of Napa). When the smoke cleared, the judges picked Bryan as the winner and sent Jen packing, sending the Voltaggios and Ginger Bear to the finale.

As for Fantasy Top Chef, only TFP, Joe and Nathan remain. The three teams are close enough that the "Top Chef" winner will decide things, which is how it should be.

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