And then there were four.

It's the Final Four we've predicted since, well, the beginning, and for the "Top Chef: Las Vegas" semi-finals, our heroes (generally sour but talented and sneaky-cute Jen, Ginger Bear favorite Kevin, stone-faced and tactical Bryan, and increasingly detestable but culinary visionary-like Michael) traveled to Napa Valley to cross knives and see whose cream rises to the "Top" and advance to the finale.

[Side note: Why did the producers take the finalists away from Las Vegas? What, Sin City is good enough for 15 or so weeks but come the final two episodes they feel the need to take the competitors away from The Strip's slot machine white noize and touristy uncleanliness? Obviously, "Top Chef" does this every year but why not let the season reach its pinnacle in the ZIP code it began?]

Kevin, Jen and the Voltaggios made idle chit chat at a train depot until a suddenly very pregnant Padma arrived to debrief. P-Money was escorted by Michael Chiarello, the "Top Chef Masters" winner who is kind of a big deal in Napa.

For the Quickfire Challenge, the chefs had to cook with native grapes and serve dinner to Padma and Michael on a moving dining car. At stake: a hybrid car. Jen really wants this prize because apparently she drives a 2000 Chevy Cavalier. Last week, Kevin said that his $30K prize was nearly equal to a year's salary. So, basically, chefs make public school teacher money? I guess we can abandon our Plan B career choice because we already make shit money as a blogger.

Cooking on the train proved extremely challenging. There was no space and the kitchen was pretty tight, and not in the urban definition of tight. We were really hoping Michael would trip on his overconfidence but he delivered a stuffed grape leaf with a native wine sauce and pretty much rocked the crap out of it, winning the Prius. So he's now a eco-friendly douche bag. Whateves.

Moving on to the Elimination Challenge, the chefs were given the charge of catering a grape crush benefit that celebrates the best tastes of the region. Each finalist was responsible for two dishes to feed 150 guests (one vegetarian dish, and one featuring a local protein) using only foods found at a Napa farmer's market.

We've never seen four contestants so cool-headed at this stage of the game. Even tightly wound Jen isn't all that frazzled. The chefs are helping each other, they're thinking clearly, and it's pretty much the second-to-last episode everyone wanted to see, which means it's pretty devoid of any real drama and borderline boring. Of course the show was edited in a way to once again play up the Voltaggio sibling rivalry (and Michael's alpha male-ness) but we're totally numb to it having been beaten over the head for a couple of months.

For their Elimination dishes, Bryan made goat cheese ravioli and mushrooms with fig-glazed short ribs and squash. The judges were seemingly un-enamored. Michael, who really stepped up the product in his hair for the Final Four, made vegetable pistou with 63-degree eggs and a turnip soup with foie gras terrine poached pear and glazed turnip (the turnip and pear were inversed asthetically). Showoff. Predictably, the judges were wowed. Kevin served up a roasted beet and carrot salad and a grass-fed brisket with pumpkin polenta (street cred for using pumpkin so close to Thanksgiving). The judges loved the salad and polenta but the beef didn't shine so bright (despite Kevin's use of "toothsome" as a substitute adjective for "tough"). Jen did a chevre mousse with honey mushrooms and braised radishes and then an aggressive duck dish with confit of duck breast, squash puree and foie gras. Sounds great, but looks like a kill scene in a Saw movie. Three words you don't ever want to hear on "Top Chef": Too Much Salt. We think Jen is going home but considering how much she was struggling two weeks ago it's pretty amazing that she made it this far.

Before judges' table we had the order as 1) Michael 2) Kevin 3) Bryan 4) Jen. As much as we've grown to loathe Michael he really did show the most creativity. "Top Chef," after all, is not a congeniality contest.

[Side note #2] Gail's boobs look amazing.

The judges were much tougher on Michael than we expected, really hammering him on his poached eggs, but their criticism stunk of red herring (which is not a native protein of Napa). When the smoke cleared, the judges picked Bryan as the winner and sent Jen packing, sending the Voltaggios and Ginger Bear to the finale.

As for Fantasy Top Chef, only TFP, Joe and Nathan remain. The three teams are close enough that the "Top Chef" winner will decide things, which is how it should be.

So, um, yeah, it's been awhile. So long that we had to think a moment before entering our username and password. That can't be good, right? Anyway, the new job is taxing but we love it bunches. We're blogging for a living (!), working hard to advance the agenda of a Downtown that wants so badly to attain legitmacy, and pretty much doing exactly what we always wanted to do professionally. Of course there's a downside, most germane to this conversation a gross neglect of our blog. To those of you who have been checking in, hoping that the stagnancy had receded, well, our bad. We'll continue to try to do better, and by "we" I mean me.

Let's get cozy with some football picks, shall we?

Last Week: 0-0 (SHAME!)

Season: 29-25

Pastor Mike (5-6) vs. Trader Dave (7-4)

There's a reason Trader Dave is the most reviled owner in the game; he's really good at this fantasy sports business and much like the Twinkee he holds in such high regard, a nuclear Holocaust couldn't kill him. He finds himself in a familiar position this week (tied for first) and draws a fairly benign opponent in Pastor Mike. As much as we love Mike and his best players, Maurice Jones-Drew (@SF) and Reggie Wayne (@HOU), he also employs one Jay Cutler (@MIN) as his starting quarterback, which is sad for him and cause for rejoice by his opponents. Trader Dave has a lot at stake on Thanksgiving, and not only in line at the Midget's glorious buffet. We truly believe Greg Jennings' performance will play a large role in the final score. Good thing for Dave that we expect 12 points from Jennings. Sneaky play: Atlanta (vs TB). Trader Dave 63, Pastor Mike 50.

Team Tommy (5-6) vs. Internet Mike (5-6)

We don't often say this, but we love, love, love Tommy this week. Not only do his beloved Cowboys (Romo, Barber, Witten vs OAK), have a very favorable matchup, but Rick Williams (@BUF) is partying like its 1999. Meanwhile, Mikey's matchups kinda stink. Matty Ryan (vs TB) is struggling more than we'd like and figures to lean on Snelling and the running game against the Bucs, Chris Johnson (vs AZ) is leading a Titans charge but faces a Cardinals team that is surprisingly stingy on the road, and Marques Colston has vanished, much like our dedication to this blog. Take the Texan and the points. Sneaky play: Buffalo (vs MIA). Team Tommy 59, Internet Mike 52.  

Pastor Steve (6-5) vs. Pastor Sowers (3-8)

The scale tilts toward the Rogue Clergyman here and for good reason(s): Brady, Welker and New England (@NO) have some serious incentive against the Saints, Chad Johnson (vs CLE) should feast on a secondary that gave up 500 yards passing to the Lions, and Brandon Jacobs (@DEN) is facing a reeling Broncos team free of worry from Ahmad Bradshaw. PLUS, The 44" Pouch is starting Jacoby Jones (vs IND), Darren Sproles (vs KC) and Willis Freaking McGahee (vs PIT). Sneaky play: Matt Forte (@MIN). Pastor Steve 77, Pastor Sowers 49.

Team Timmy (5-6) vs. Pastor Jon (7-4)

Doesn't it seem like yesterday that Timmy was in first place? Well, a five-game losing skid can do a number on anyone and our favorite Dem is Reeling with an intentional capital R. Good news for Timmy: He's going to take a punch from Aaron Rodgers (@DET) and Miles Austin (vs OAK) on Thanksgiving before delivering a couple of haymakers of his own on Sunday with Donny Mac (vs WASH) and Steve Slaton (vs IND). Sneaky play: Brent Celek (vs WASH). Team Timmy 70, Pastor Jon 59.

Pastor Kirk (6-5) vs. Pastor Matt (5-6)

The four-time champ is right where he wants to be, flying under the radar and once again positioning himself for a playoff run. Surely he won't lose to Mountain Matt, right? We're teasing. Our bro should cruise in this one behind Drew Brees (vs NE) playing catchup after Randy Moss (@NO) torches the Saints for two early scores. Factor in Ryan Grant cashing in during garbage time in Detroit and you've got all the makings for a bring your daughter to the slaughter-type affair. If Kurt Warner (@TEN) was healthy we'd give Mountain Matt a chip/chair/chance but Uncle Mo is a son of a biscuit whose favorite team just happens to be the Titans. Sneaky play: Jon Stewart (@NYJ). Pastor Kirk 90, Pastor Matt 71.

TFP (7-4) vs. Little Sowers (5-6)

If Calvin Johnson (vs GB) had the services of media darling Matthew Stafford we'd probably pick the author but seeing as how Daunte Culpepper is captaining the Lions' ship and the Vikings (vs CHI) have a classic trap game in front of them, we're going to give Little Sowers the checkmark, behind huge efforts from Carson Palmer (vs CLE) and Tony Gates (vs KC). Sneaky play: Jason Snelling (vs TB). Little Sowers 58, TFP 52.

Thanks for your loyalty, friends. As a reward, here's a Random Song Worth Your Time.

Yes, it's Saturday. Yes, there was a Thursday game. Like the band Chicago after it had turned rancid, it's hard for us to say we're sorry.

Instead of dwelling on what we can't change, let's start the healing process with some picks.

Last Week: 3-3

Season: 29-25

Pastor Mike (3-6) vs. Internet Mike (5-4)

Jay Cutler's -4 stink bomb Thursday night backed our favorite Mike Socia lookalike into an impossible corner. Not even red-hot Maurice Jones-Drew (@NYJ) can bring the sort of firepower necessary to upend the San Diego-bound Ginger, who got a solid performance out of Frank Gore and enters Sunday's games up 16 points. In fact, Internet Mike has a real opportunity to win the Toyota Biggest Blowout with Chris Johnson (vs BUF) and Marques Colston (@ STL) primed for big days. Avert your eyes. Sneaky play: Not Jay Cutler. Internet Mike 71, Pastor Mike 40.

Trader Dave (5-4) vs. Pastor Sowers (3-6)

For all the squabbling that goes on between these two boobs you'd think they were separated by more than two games. This week, Trader Dave looks to widen that margin and continue his push up the standings with Derrick Mason (@ CLE), Tommy Lee Jones (vs JAX) and newcomer Marshawn Lynch (@ TEN) all having good to great matchups. Conversely, 44 Pouch is flashing some pedestrian starts, including two-time TFP castoff Ted Ginn (vs TB) and banged-up Anquan Boldin. Bring your daughter to the slaughter. Sneaky play: Darren Sproles (vs PHI). Trader Dave 66, Pastor Sowers 48.

Team Tommy (3-6) vs. Little Sowers (5-4)

Riding a two-game losing streak, Little Sowers receives a much-needed break in his schedule this week as he squares off against Tommy who is no doubt too busy spinning for the GOP's leading ladies (Palin/Prejean) to pay any mind to his fantasy team, which boasts bottom-feeders James Jones (vs DAL) and Jerricho Cotchery (vs JAX), plus ultimate risk/reward play Rick Williams (vs TB). As for Little Sowers, Carson Palmer (@ PIT) and Kevin Smith (@ MIN) are in tought spots but he should get enough from Santonio Holmes (vs CIN), Stephen Jackson (vs NO) and the Vikings defense (vs DET) to hold off the always testy Texan. Sneaky play: Lee Evans (@ TEN). Little Sowers 60, Team Tommy 55.

Pastor Steve (5-4) vs. Pastor Jon (6-3)

What's that smell?? It's the Game of the Week! Maybe it's time we take Jon seriously. With the exceptions of Santana Moss (diseased team) and Devin Hester (ditto), look at dude's lineup: Aaron Rodgers (vs DAL), Miles Austin (@ GB), Ray Rice (@ CLE), DeAngelo Williams (vs ATL), Akers (@ SD) and Baltimore (@ CLE). Even if Moss, like Hester, brings nothing to dinner, Heeringa has an 80-point squad. Unfortunately for Johnny, the Rogue Clergyman has an 81-point squad. Brady and Welker (@ IND) will hook up at least once, DeSean Jackson should turn in another 60-yard touchdown, and Ron Brown (vs TB) is sexy as all get out. Sneaky play: Kellen Winslow (@ MIA). Pastor Steve 85, Pastor Jon 78.

Team Timmy (5-4) vs. Pastor Matt (4-5)

Because Pastor Matt complained about the tardiness of this column via social networking, we have deducted 10 points from his projection. Suck on that! Sneaky play: Steve Breaston (vs SEA). Pastor Matt 72, Team Timmy 59.

TFP (6-3) vs. Pastor Kirk (4-5)

At some point good old TFP's squad is going to get exposed and it might as well be now. Drew Brees (@ STL) should be good for a minimum of 25 points. Randy Moss (@ IND) in a big game? That's worth 13 right there. Rob Bironas (vs BUF) in a rivalry game? (snicker) Sneaky play? Tim Hightower (vs SEA). Pastor Kirk 58, TFP 54.

Thanks for stopping by. Here's a Random Song Worth Your Time.

Before we delve into Wednesday's return of "Top Chef: Las Vegas," allow us a few moments to rip the show for being so grotesque in its attempts to move product. It's bad enough we get 48 close-ups of the GE Monogram appliances during the challenges and then watch the chefs await their Elimination Challenge fate in Gladware purgatory, but last night's episode took the shilling to new heights.

For the Quickfire, Padma and guest judge Nigella Lawson (Nigella = French for stone-cold hotness) were served breakfast in bed by the Final Six and there were a couple of superb dishes. Kevin did his hearty take on steak and eggs and Eli manufactured a breakfast rueben with thousand island Hollandaise. Loved it. Eli deservedly took the win and was awarded a spot in the Top Chef Quickfire Challenge Cookbook (say that five times fast, if you dare). That's all well and fine (after all, "Top Chef" has put out cookbooks before) but during the next commercial break Bravo not only pimps the book, but also tells us that we can recreate our favorite recipes while using a "Top Chef" whisk and "Top Chef" hotpad holder, while wearing "Top Chef" boxers, a "Top Chef" logo T-shirt and an authentic "Top Chef" culinary jacket. Seriously? I love the show but if we ever bake a tator tot hotdish while wearing a "Top Chef" coat you can jam two "Top Chef" paring knives into my "Top Chef" watching eyeballs.

Anyway, Jen got panned for her take on Shit On a Shingle (S.O.S.). We ate S.O.S. all the time growing up on the pig farm so Jen gets mad props from us. Plus, after three straight episodes of being on the Bottom, we were glad to see Jen having fun again. She even let out a little giggle when she told Padma and Nigella what they were reluctantly about to eat. That said, she did make S.O.S. for a Top Chef challenge so there's a good chance our darling Jenny is crazier than that middle judge "So You Think You Can Dance."

At the Elimination Challenge, the chefs drew knives for inspiration in the form of famous Strip hotels. It would have been a fairly vanilla (sorry, Bryan) test if not for the fact that each chef was responsible for a dish to feed 175 people. (For the record, If we had to cook for 175 people we'd make pigs in a blanket and cowboy caviar.)

Jen went with steak for her Excalibur dish and Nigella's was tougher than the stone the famous sword was extracted from. Next was our favorite Kevin, who drew The Mirage and made Alaskan sockeye with Napa cabbage and cucumber. Looked pretty nasty but Kevin saved himself when he gave instructions on how to properly enjoy it (chase the fish with the tomato water in the bottom of the bowl... ah-ha!).

Mike V did a hot boneless chicken bite for his New York, New York dish. He threw some blue cheese on top to balance out the heat, and then acted like he was the first person to ever think of it. He's really become quite the unapologetic douche. Seemed kind of dumbed-down for a Voltaggio effort and the judges were just so-so about it. Robin, who in Vegas terminology has been playing with House money for about two months now, made panna cotta based on flowers she saw in the Bellagio lobby. She also attempted to pay homage to glass artist Dale Chilhuly but that part of the dish didn't make it to the table.

Bryan drew Mandalay Bay and made halibut with pine nuts and garlic chips. It was rather galatinous and the color was a little off-putting but the judges wanted to bathe in it. Finally, after his big Quickfire win an increasingly cocky Eli "gambled and lost" with his playfully frothy Circus Circus carmel apple peanut soup with popcorn and raspberry sauce. No, really, that's what he made. What the cameras failed to capture was Eli popping seven or eight mushroom caps prior to entering the kitchen. Dude cracks us up. Even with the misstep there's no way he goes home if for no other reason that he's sporting two globe-sized balls.

After a celebratory toast in the kitchen the chefs retreated to Gladware purgatory until Padma called out Kevin and the Voltaggios as the Top finishers in the challenge. Loved Kevin's reaction to Toby's compliment. He looked like a hairy Pillsbury Dough Boy. We were shocked that Michael's chicken wing thing won. Maybe we're just tired of his attitude in the kitchen, where he again went out of his way to rough up Robin. Yes, Robin is annoying, but she doesn't deserve to be stepped on for no good reason. Michael's a punk and we hope he loses to Kevin or, better yet, his brother.

We figured the Bottom was all about Jen vs. Robin. Would Jen's tough steak be less awful than Robin's poor conception and worse execution? Tom asked the great question of Robin, "Are you influenced by the other chefs in looking around and seeing some of the tricks they use?" She said she was inspired by their knowledge but Robin can't fool us. She's been faking it until she makes it all season long but the longer she's survived the more apparent her lack of skill become. She was finally put out of her misery but the truth is that Jen has been worse over the last month. We suspect Jen is still trading on the reputation she built in the first six episodes but she'll have to step up her game next week if she's going to outlast Eli and advance to the Final Four.

In Fantasy Top Chef, Mike V's Elimination Challenge win brought Joe G (45 points). to within a point of second place Nathan (46). TFP (58) still leads by 12, but objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. We'll talk again next week.