Because there really aren't enough fantasy games in the world already, TFP is bringing you Fantasy Top Chef.

Here's how it works:

Depending on how many readers are interested, we'll hold an email draft to divvy out the remaining competitors (17 heading into Episode 2 on Wednesday). Your team of chefs will accummulate points based on Quickfire and Elimination challenge wins, plus survival bonus points that will increase in value as the season progresses. Perhaps we'll even work in bitch points to reward the chefs for their insufferable personalities.

The winner will get a used paring knife.

B. is already in. Dave MN? Clarence? If you'd like to participate, leave a note in the comments or send us an email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

An aside: We can't believe the producers brought Toby Young (far left in photo) back for a second season as judge. He fancies himself as the Simon Cowell of the culinary world but he's really just another asshole with a British accent, a miserable little twit who seldom offers anything in the way of constructive criticism. We can only hope that he'll piss off Haitian Sensation Ron Duprat and end up hospitalized with a garlic press imbedded in his ass.

As we decrusted our eyes this morning, a jingle popped into our heads:

Yeah Freedent's the one that took the stick out of gum (stick out of gum),

and Freedent moistens your mouth.

Yeah moistens your mouth, and freshens your breath while you chew...

Where the frack did that come from? We're pretty sure we haven't seen a Freedent commercial since the A-Team was in its original run, and that was 25 years ago. So for 25 years that stupid jingle has been roaming inside our heads. We sang it like three times while walking Zeke before it donned on us: Our grandma Boop chewed Freedent, usually after sneaking a smoke.

So, the jingle doesn't represent a gum memory or a Hannibal Smith at all. It's a grandma memory, and Boop was the cat's pajamas.

Anyway, we're probably at least a week premature with these running back rankings but we've got a couple of drafts this weekend, so it's safe to assume that some readers do, too. You can check out our wide receiver rankings here, our quarterback rankings here, and some other relevant fantasy football content here and here. It should be mentioned that these rankings are for traditional 50/50 scoring formats. That's 6 points for touchdowns and a point for ever 20 yards gained, people.

1) Maurice Jones-Drew - You could make solid arguments for no fewer than five guys to occupy this spot but we're going with MJD for most of the usual reasons (Fred Taylor is gone, he's got a superb conversion rate inside the red zone and he had 62 receptions in 2008) and one of the less-talked-about reasons (even though he seems like he's been around awhile, MJD is only a year older than Matt Forte).

2) Adrian Peterson - Hard to argue with 1700 yards and 10 TDs, right? We were tempted to put the Purple Jesus in the pole position after Favre signed but why would we jinx the most important player on our favorite team?

3) Matt Forte - Did you know that Forte had 63 receptions in 2008? Quickly, which position sees the greatest improvement from rookie to sophomore years? Running backs. Who are the most high-profile second-year running backs? Matt Forte and...

4) Chris Johnson - Yes, LenDale White is 30 pounds lighter, but who says that's a great thing for a goal line back? Johnson is a game-breaker on a team that throws the ball sparingly. We just don't see a scenario in which Johnson's workload doesn't increase.

5) DeAngelo Williams - He's being dismissed as a one-year wonder with such regularity that we're inclined to be bearish on his stock. Granted, his 2008 was silly and he won't score 20 TDs again but given how much Carolina runs the ball isn't it possible that Williams could repeat the 1,500 yards and score, say, 12 TDs?

6) LaDanian Tomlinson - The Chargers are loaded and LDT has a serious chip on his shoulder after nearly being put out to pasture. In a horrible year by his standards, Tomlinson scored 12 times and racked up 1,500+ total yards.

7) Michael Turner - This isn't a ranking based on the Curse of 370 so much as it's a product of taking a closer look at his 2008 season. Burner feasted on some really bad defenses, including St. Louis, Detroit, and Kansas City. Against those three teams Turner scored six TDs and ran for nearly 550 yards. Plus, with the development of Matt Ryan and the addition of Tony Gonzalez, we see Atlanta throwing the ball more in the red zone.

8) Brian Westbrook - Hard to rank Westy lower than this, even though health is always a concern. Westy is one of the only guys on this list who can single-handedly win two or three weeks for you (he scored 30+ points three times last season in ESPN standard scoring). We hope he stays on the field because Philadelphia's offense has a chance to be really special.

9) Steve Slaton - Second-year RB whom the offense revolves around. Buy, buy, buy!

10) Marion Barber - Strong bounce-back candidate. Still only 25 years old. 

11) Kevin Smith - Another second-year running back who catches the ball a little. He's not glamorous but we think he's pretty safe in the 9-12 range.

12) Brandon Jacobs - We just can't get a feel for this guy. He could easily be a fantasy MVP, especially with the departure of Derrick Ward. But, then again, Ahmad Bradshaw sure looks strong... SEE??

13) Ronnie Brown - Even though we've backed off of our early summer (and outlandish) claims that Brown would be a Top Five RB, we still love him. He's two years removed from his ACL injury, which usually means a return to full strength. WILDCAT!

14) Frank Gore - Don't laugh. Gore was great in the first half of 2008 before predictably spraining an ankle and disappearing. Mike Singletary very much wants the Niners to become a power running team and Gore is the only guy currently on their roster capable of carrying the load. Fun stat we gleaned from the Fanball preview: Gore hasn't scored a December touchdown since 2006.

15) Derrick Ward - This gut ranking is really high by most experts' standards but Ward had 41 receptions in a part-time role. Earnest Graham and Cadillac Williams don't scare us.

16) Pierre Thomas - Two weeks ago we would have ranked Thomas at least five spots higher. Suffice it to say we were drinking the Kool-Aid. But now everybody's all up on his jock so we're downgrading him. The lesson: Listen to what everyone else says and then do the opposite.

17) Clinton Portis - Lots of miles on that body, evidenced by his rapid deceleration in the second half last season.

18) Steven Jackson - It was a nice run. Only played 12 games in 2008 and we'd bet he plays fewer in '09.

19) Donald Brown - Sexy, sexy, sexy! The Colts say Addai is still their starter but this Brown dude is the truth. The best part is that you'll get to draft him as the 32nd RB off the board.

20) Darren McFadden - We could easily see McFadden finish the year as a Top 10 RB. Find his ADP (currently in the 44 range) and then draft him a round earlier.

21) Ryan Grant - Who else is in GB? Samkon Gado ain't walking through that door!

22) Larry Johnson - This about the point where these rankings will get just plain weird.

23) Cedric Benson - Did you think we were lying when we said it was going to get weird?

24) Marshawn Lynch - We have very little confidence in Lynch keeping his job after he returns from a suspension in Week 4.

25) Knowshon Moreno - There are a lot of backs in Denver this year (shocker, we know) but with Josh McDaniels pissing off fans left and right there will be immense pressure on him to play the new kid.

26) Timmy Hightower - Beanie who? Hightower is flashing some serious swagger in training camp.

27) Fred Jackson - We mentioned earlier that we have little confidence in Marshawn Lynch keeping his job as RB1 Buffalo. Jackson is the reason why.

28) Reggie Bush - Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us twice, shame on us. Fool us three times, well, we're idiots.

29) Leon Washington - You'll notice that we haven't listed Thomas Jones yet. That's a hint.

30) Ray Rice - Yes, McGahee is still there. Yes, McClain is still there. But Baltimore had a plan to unleash Rice in his second year all along. No, really.

31) Willie Parker - Meh.

32) Ahmad Bradshaw - The No. 2 role in NY pays really well.

33) LenDale White - We're allowing for the chance that the 15 TDs can be repeated. 

34) Jamal Lewis - Seriously, he's the ONLY guy there. RB1s still carry more value than RB2s.

35) Thomas Jones - He's 31.

36) Felix Jones - Showed some superstar promise before getting hurt. If the Cowboys can get him the touches he could be a pretty nice grab and stash.

37)  Julius Jones - Shit, we don't know. Upside: Buying a $1 scratch-off that pays $2.

38) Earnest Graham - As much as we love Ward, we must advise you to handcuff him to Graham. RBBCs suck, we know.

39) Fred Taylor - Stash him. Sammy Morris was the TD guy last year but we've got a sneaking suspicion about Freddy.

40) Jonathan Stewart - Showed promise as a rookie but there are trust issues.

Note: You'll probably notice that guys like Joseph Addai and Ricky Williams and LeSean McCoy and Darren Sproles and Jerious Norwood are nowhere to be found here. Those guys would probably find their way into spots 40-50 if this ranking went to 50. 

Top Chef: Las Vegas debuted last night on Bravo and we're fairly certain it's the ugliest cast Top Chef has ever assembled. Not that chefs are notoriously easy on the eyes, but jeez, we've seen cuter crowds at an Indigo Girls concert.

It was a fairly lackluster opening episode. No real controversy to speak of and the bottom four in the Elimination Challenge were all totally deserving to be there. Really, you could have made the argument for each one getting a pink slip. But in the end, neck-tattooed Jennifer Zavala packed her knives and went home after judges spit out her heinous-looking chile relleno stuffed with the mystery protein seitan. We hear seitan is big in the vegan scene, which is probably why we've never heard of it.

While each of the other three bottom-dwellers were quick to admit their mistakes, Zavala stood her ground and played the, "I make this dish all the time!" card, which never does much to invoke sympathy from Tom and the other judges. Dude, if you make this dish all the time, then why does it look like an elk turd and taste like an SOS pad? Good riddance. We wish you, your misplaced bravado and massive ear holes the best of luck in all your future endeavors.

We like to pick our Top Chef favorites/least favorites early. It gives us something to root for/against. Based on personality and snapshots of their culinary ability/creativity, we're already pulling for Haitian Sensation Ron Duprat, Ginger Bear Kevin Gillespie and self-described fat kid Eli Kirshtein, who looks like a cross between Jack Osborne and the lead singer of Fall Out Boy. Previews for Episode 2 hint that Eli is in fact a douche but for now we're giving him the benefit of the doubt.

It's doubtul that we'll handicap this season as well as the last, when we correctly put Stefan and Hosea in the final. We nearly also hit on Fabio, and whiffed on finalist and Beaker stunt double Carla.

Anyway, here are our odds on who will win Season 6:

Eve Arnoff / 1000:1 -- Looked almost as lost as we were in trying to rate her looks. In the first five minutes we thought she had some January Jones in her, but under the artificial lighting of the Top Chef Kitchen she looked more like Jenna Elfman's sister with Asperger's Syndrome.

Ashley Merriman / 850:1 -- Never really got a feel for her. We didn't even officially declare a woman until the final 10 minutes of the episode. Too mousey for this competition.

Preeti Mistry / 800:1 -- The little Indian dude from "Ugly Betty" can cook?

Hector Santiago / 700:1 -- Even if he learned his lesson deep-frying steak, which he should have, we don't think he has the creativity to cook outside his Mexican comfort zone. We did, however, enjoy his multiple references to cooking with balls.

Bryan Voltaggio / 500:1 -- Unlike his brother, didn't show us any personality. We also suspect he's a hot-head, which seldom works in contestants' favor on this show. This pick has the greatest chance to blow up in our faces.

Robin Leventhal / 300:1 -- Fell backasswards into immunity, then broke the Cardinal Rule of Cooking when she apologized to the judges for not plating the dressing for her pork tenderloin. Entirely forgettable.

Laurine Wickett / 250:1 -- Inadvertently provided the comedy highlight of the evening when Wolfgang Puck tossed one of her donuts across the dining room. Admits to being intimidated. NEVER SHOW WEAKNESS!

Michael Voltaggio / 150:1 -- We were shocked that his plastic surgery vice went over so well with the judges. "Racks! Juicy coconuts! I'll be here all week!" That said, he's got swagger when most of his peers, including his stone-faced older brother, do not.

Ash Fulk / 125:1 -- Has some pedigree as the only contestant from New York. Scored a huge upset when outted himself quicker than any of the half-dozen lesbians on the show.

Ron Duprat / 100:1 -- Ron didn't really get the whole vice angle of the Elimination Challenge, opting for halibut as his vice, but has a great backstory as a Haitian immigrant and is extremely entertaining in the kitchen. We like him lots.

Eli Kirshtein / 100:1 -- Quickly established himself as the class clown with his "bacon" T-shirt. But we didn't really get to see if he could actually cook. We're reserving final judgement but for now we like him.

Jennifer Carrol / 75:1 -- Says she can be bitchy, which is hot. There's nothing better than being dominated in the kitchen. Ahem. Wolfgang Puck really dug her vibe and who are we to argue with the dude whose name is branded on our sauce pan?

Michael Isabella / 20:1 -- The heel of the cast, Michael pretty much disrespected every cast member except the Voltaggios and Ron (we can only assume he didn't want his ass kicked). We're cheering for him so we can root against him. Seems to have the kitchen chops to outlast most of this weak cast.

Jesse Sandlin / 20:1 -- We're strangely intrigued by Jesse. She rocked the shit out of her grits in the Quickfire and has confidence in bulk. Those hoops in her lip are terribly distracting though. Ick.

Kevin Gillespie / 15:1 -- After winning the first Elimination Challenge, the Ginger Bear established himself as the chef to beat.

Entertainment Weekly is our US Weekly. The fluffy little mag is a gym tote essential and is in our family of guilty pleasures along with As the World Turns, Snow Patrol, Lean Pockets, The Real World / Road Rules challenge shows, brandy and the complete works of Judy Blume. 

One of our favorite EW nuggets is Jessica Shaw's "The Shaw Report." Tragically, "The Shaw Report" only takes up a 3x1-inch plot of real estate weekly, so we're going to pay tribute to Miss Shaw by stealing her bit and giving it unlimited space on TFP. Call us, Jess!